Wandering Out of my Comfort Zone

After what seems like an eternity of mom-ness, I am really getting the itch to wander back into the working world. Don't get me wrong, I have a good history of career successes - Executive for Gateway, Managing Editor for a ZDnet online magazine, Internet startup consultant, Editor for various magazines, and my favorite - certified personal trainer. But here I am after several years of staying home to raise my twin girls during their most dynamic and important years. They are eight; I am wondering why I am still a 'stay-at-home-mom' when they are at school for six hours a day.

But.... that's where I stop. I've done the part-time / consulting / freelance thing in the past eight years, but I've found that it is too easy to either blow off my kids, the house, the groceries, or, wish that I didn't have a job, albeit a meager one. So I'm wondering what's next. Do I have to jump in with both feet and go back to the corporate world? But then I'd miss my two hour workouts, my long walks with friends, having a neat house and a good, healthy dinner for my family, my facebook time, and sadly, all of the fun things that I get to do with my girls - soccer practices, ice cream after school, shooting hoops in the backyard, looking for roly-polys, and so on. And they would miss me. I would miss them. And I'd still be working for someone else when what I really want to do is work for me. So inspiring, right?

Then again.... I have this terrible nagging feeling that I have turned into June Cleaver, or that lady from the movie Pleasantville. Like my life is in black and white and I am waiting for my husband to walk in and announce, "Honey.  I'm Home! Where's my DINNER?" How did I come to this? I have all of the education, background, and time to do something with myself, right? I'm a Phi Beta Kappa for God's sake. I'm almost tempted to put the little car sticker they send me each year in return for my $50 sustaining gift on my car, so that people will realize I am smart, and not just the lady always in her workout wear. 

At least I'm wearing the clothes of my dream profession. I've become a certified personal trainer because that is my true passion. I want to educate and train people, either in person or virtually, on how to take care of themselves and their families without making it another chore. My goal is to be like Nanny 911, but for people who just don't understand that their health and fitness is up to them. That their kids are learning from them and that it is just as easy to pick up a bag of greens and a rotisserie chicken at the grocery store on the way home from work as it is to run through KFC. And that no, that 2 mile walk you take on your lunch break is NOT going to get you in shape. I can teach people how to make it seamless, and I plan to write a business plan and just do it. "Here I AM! Your Fanny Nanny! Now get off the couch and do pushups!"

Yeah. Like it is that easy, right? For me and for my potential clients. It COULD be easy, but I am feeling like I did in college when presented with a five page essay on the similarities and differences between Pilgrim's Progress and Paradise Lost. Too many notes, not enough just sitting down and writing. Instead of using notecards, just write that damn intro paragraph.

Well, today is my day to wander outside my nice little cocoon. I'm throwing my mental notecards into the wind, and writing my intro. This is my first step friends. You are reading it. I've been thinking about writing about my passion for a year. This morning I ran across a link to this page and decided to try it out. If I can spend an hour on facebook every morning, I can spend more than that getting myself motivated to do what I love, and maybe make it into something bigger.

For now, I feel not as scared as I thought I might sticking my toe out of my comfort zone. Maybe tomorrow I'll wander a little farther out. After my workout.